Unexpected 3/4

[ceres_libera]

Title: "Unexpected 3/4"
Author: ceres_libera
Rating: R mostly for language and adult concepts
Disclaimer and Notes in Part 1


+

Days had passed with agonizing results for Leonard. Although the transition had not been comfortable, it had only sporadically been painful. He should be thankful for that small mercy, but he wasn’t feeling particularly magnanimous these days. Psychologically, watching his body re-distribute itself had been disconcerting - to say the least. He felt trapped, and lost, and distinctly unhappy.

"Doctor McCoy," Spock said, stepping into his office, where Jim had been pacing like a caged lion, waiting for his arrival. "You're looking a bit more settled."

"If you're referring to how my balls have crawled back up into my body to become ovaries, I'll thank you to use another descriptor, Spock," he said acerbically.

Jim stopped pacing and looked at him with a stricken expression, and Leonard looked down so as not to see the pain in his eyes, pulling at his tunic uncomfortably, still unused to the mass of breast tissue that had appeared on his chest.

"Let's get this over with," he said with a sigh. "We all know that I can't change back into being male until I have a baby."

"Actually," Spock corrected, "it would appear that the state of being pregnant, however long that lasted, would provide the appropriate hormonal setting that might trigger the hormonal cascade and flush the intrusive virus from your system."

"Wait," Jim said. "You mean like an abortion?"

"Spontaneous would be preferable," Spock said. "There is a high probability that use of an abortifacent would not trigger the cascade."

"And what would that do to Bones?" Jim asked. His tone was flat.

Spock was silent, looking at Leonard. "There are numerous possibilities," he said quietly.

"None of them good," Leonard said to Jim, who was looking more distraught. "Voe'o' gene therapies were created to maximize efficiencies, to provoke the profound physiological changes necessary to bring about successful pregnancies. They've had 250 years to perfect their craft."

Jim was looking from Spock back to Leonard. "You're saying that it might kill him, aren't you?"

"There is no guarantee that I'll survive a pregnancy, Jim," Leonard snapped. "According to the information that Uhura got, the typical Voe'o’ transformation takes significantly less time than mine has. There's no guarantee that any of this will work the way that bastard intended it to."

"I cannot fucking believe this," Jim said, dropping into the chair at the side of Bones' desk. He pulled at the hair on his head agitatedly.

"Imagine how I feel," Leonard said waspishly.

Jim looked up at him, and Leonard saw the flash of guilt cross his face again. The damned fool probably thought this was all his fault because he'd come into space for Jim in the first place. He sighed. Lashing out at Jim was easy, but it was like kicking a damned puppy half the time. He fiddled with the stylus on his desk. "I still think we should try it," he said softly.

"Bones!" Jim said in anguish.

"I concur with the Captain, Doctor," Spock said softly. "I think the risk of possible harm to yourself is almost a guarantee."

"It's my risk to take!" Leonard roared. "And I have to say that I find the notion of staying this way completely unacceptable, and having a baby …" he tilted his chair back as he felt the tears welling up in his eyes, cursing the hormones that had made him feel this way in the first place. The tests indicated that his first period would be arriving in a few days, and from the way he was feeling at the moment, it was going to be a doozy, that was for damned sure.

He still couldn't believe that the universe was toying with him this way. He'd always wanted a child, and had never managed to have one with Joce. Now he had the opportunity … but not the relationship. Goddamnit. The universe really took pleasure in kicking him in his currently nonexistent balls.

"Bones," Jim's hand on his shoulder was warm and comforting, and God help him, he wanted to turn into him and weep … but they'd never had that kind of relationship before, and as much as he wanted it, deep down, he wouldn't take advantage of their friendship, of Jim’s essential nobility, and put him in the same kind of vice bind that Leonard had been put in. He wouldn’t.

"Spock," Jim said quietly. "Would you excuse us, please?"

"Certainly, Captain," Spock said. "Doctor."

Leonard heard the door whisking open, and then closed, before felt the slide of Jim's thumb across his cheekbone. "Please talk to me, Bones," he said softly. He pushed Leonard's chair back and away from his desk, and sat down on the surface of it, leaving one hand on Leonard's shoulder and the other on his face.

"What is there to say, Jim?" Leonard said, spreading his hands helplessly. "The only way I can get back to me is to have a baby."

"Then have a baby, Bones," Jim said, still speaking in that soft tone. "Have a baby."

"Jim," Leonard said, his voice a watery chuckle. "If I have a baby, I'll have to leave the ship." I'll have to leave you.

"What?" Jim said. "No, Bones! Why would you have to leave?"

"Jim …" Leonard said, "a baby doesn't belong on a starship."

"Bones," Jim said, still talking to him in that soothing voice, and Leonard felt that he should object to being placated. Except that he knew that Jim had placated him when he was fully male, too.

"I was born on a starship, and if everything had gone according to plan, I would have spent my first year on it."

Leonard opened his eyes, and he knew that his expression was as bleak as he felt. "But things don't go according to plan, Jim," he said sadly, thinking, particularly not for me. "That's my point."

"Bones," Jim said, his voice still soft, "since the Narada, more than 500 babies have been born and berthed on starships with their parents. You've delivered three here on Enterprise. And they're fine."

"Jim…" Leonard said, shaking his head, "all those babies were born because they had two parents that wanted them."

"I know that you'll love a baby, Bones," Jim said, but there had been a slight hesitation in his tone, something raw there.

"I know that I'll love my baby, Jim!" Leonard said. "But I shouldn't be forced to have a baby to satisfy the whim of some alien! I should have been able to choose – I should have been able to find someone who'd love me first so that we would have a base, a partnership to parent a child from. But I'm alone," he said defeatedly, "I'm alone in this." He meant more than just his current situation, but Jim didn't need to know about that, about how he felt. Sure, being the Captain of the Enterprise had settled Jim down, but it had left him so busy that he had no time for any kind of a relationship – except with him. If something had been going to happen between the two of them, it would have by now. "I'll have to pick some stranger's sperm …"

Caught up in his own agony, he barely registered Jim firmly saying, “No,” before he slid into his lap, with something desperate and sad in his eyes. Then he leaned forward and kissed Leonard.

He was too shocked to respond really, and the kiss was so hard, so frantic, that he decided it was just Jim's way of having to avoid slapping him to stop his rising hysteria. He broke free from Jim, turning his head, but Jim just kissed the point of his jaw below his ear. "Stop it, Jim," he said angry and aching. It was misery of the acutest kind to be teased this way.

"No," Jim murmured. "I'll never stop, Bones. You're not alone. You aren't." He kissed a line down Leonard's unbristled jawline. "Bones, let me do it."

"What?!" He didn't mean … "Do what?"

"I don't want you to get some stranger's sperm," Jim spat out. "It should be mine."

Leonard blinked at Jim, turning to face him in shock. "What?"

Jim captured Leonard's head between his hands and kissed him again, slower and more sensually. "The baby," he said pressing his forehead against Leonard's. "The baby's supposed to be mine."

Jim's kisses were like a drug, but through the fog induced by sliding tongues, and the feel of Jim’s hands pulling him closer and closer, sliding up under his shirts to touch the skin on his back, something penetrated. He might not be as strong as he'd been, but he was still pretty big, and he had the advantage of surprise on his side. He used his newly strong pelvis to stand, dumping Jim half on the desk, where he clung for a second before reaching out for him, but Leonard was already across the room.

"Bones!" Jim sounded agonized, but Leonard wasn't hearing him anymore.

"No," he said forcefully. "This isn't you, talking to me like that."

"What?" Jim asked, looking confused.

"You drank from that ceremonial chalice and it did something to you! You don't really want this!" he said.

"Bones that's not true!!" Jim yelled, but he was already out the door and halfway across the Sickbay, barely registering Chapel's shocked, white face.

"No, Jim!" Leonard said, and then God help him, he turned and ran as Jim came over the desk in a leap.

+

"Captain!" Chapel was shocked, but not so shocked that she didn't step into his path. "You shouldn't upset him like that! His hormones are in such an uproar."

"You think I don't know that?" Jim asked her. "You think I'm not trying to talk him out of doing something that might kill him?"

Chapel looked even more distraught. "He doesn't feel like he has any good choices, Captain. They've all been taken away from him."

"I know," Jim said.

"Do you?" Chapel asked him levelly. "Then don't try to force him to do anything. If you're presenting him with an option, you might want to remember that you can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar."

Jim stared at Bones' head nurse, the retort that had been forming on his tongue lost to him.

"Yes, Captain," she said to him quietly. "I know how you feel about him. And I can guarantee you that he has no idea."

Jim blinked and stared at her. "But …"

"No idea, Captain," she said, shaking her head. She patted him on his shoulder in an oddly maternal gesture. "If you keep that in mind, I'm sure that convincing him will be all that much more easy." She cocked her head. "And well … it's a good thing you're the guy who doesn't believe in no-win scenarios.

Jim blinked again, but found himself smiling. "You want me to convince him," he said.

She smiled at him sadly. "I don't want my friend to be hurt anymore," she said softly. "And I certainly don't want him to die." She kissed Jim on the cheek. "Go get him."

"Nurse Chapel," Jim said to her retreating back. She turned and looked over her shoulder at him. "Thank you."

"Honey," she reminded him.

Jim rocked back on his heels, and rubbed his hands together. He could be sweet. Right? He walked down the corridors to Bones' quarters, thinking, and found himself standing outside Bones' quarters for a full three minutes before he pressed the chime softly.

"Go away, Jim," Bones' voice, altered but still recognizable, floated wearily out of the speaker into the hallway.

"No, Bones," he said softly.

"Jim, please," Bones said.

Jim could hear that he was probably crying, or trying to stop himself from doing so, and it just about broke his heart, but steeled his resolve at the same time. He pressed the override code into the wall panel, but held the last number until he said into speaker. "I'm coming in, Bones."

He got no response, but he pressed the number in and stepped into Bones' mostly dark quarters. "Bones?" he called softly.

He rounded the partition and saw Bones laying on his bed. When he heard Jim come in, he wiped at his eyes and turned his back. "I never took you for the kind of man that would force himself on a woman, Jim."

Jim smiled at the jab, knowing that Bones couldn't see him, and knowing that he didn't mean it, anyway. "You're not a woman, Bones," he said quietly. "And you know I'm not that kind of man."

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, toeing his boots off before he lay down behind Bones. He didn't reach for him, as much as his arms ached to do so, just lay there for a moment, listening to him breathe.

"You said something back there, Bones," Jim said slowly. "You said you were alone, but that's not true."

"Jim …" Bones sighed out.

"Shhh … Bones," Jim said, "please? Just listen to me, OK? I just … I know how that feels Bones, feeling all alone."

The restless movement alongside him stilled.

"But I haven't felt that way since August 26, 2255." He smiled. "Since you threw up on me."

"Jim …" now Bones sounded well and truly exasperated, which he had to admit he liked more than the defeat he'd heard before in his voice.

"Shh …" he whispered to the back of Bones’ head. He raised a finger and ran it down the long line of Bones' spine, leaving it in the dip that had become more acute of late. "I'm not saying that I advocate puking on someone as an opening move, Bones, but then again, not everyone has your charm." He paused. "I'm serious, you know. All those times that I said that I'd never get married because you were the only one who'd ever put up with me?"

He could feel that Bones had stopped breathing under his finger, and he drew a line out to the curve of his waist, curling two fingers over it gently. "I meant it every time. I just …" he drew in a long breath, and felt Bones do the same. "I don't know how to do this, Bones, relationships, people. Everything I've ever learned about how they’re supposed to work has just been theory … until you came along. And I didn't know, I didn't Bones, not for a long time what that meant."

He let all of his fingers rest on Bones' waist now, rubbing his thumb across the vertebra in the middle of the dip in his spine. Bones had always been brawnier than he was, but now that he'd been feminized, he was all lush curves and valleys. "I know it's stupid, but I thought that love was all thunder bolts and lightning, you know, two people reach for the sugar bowl in a coffee shop and bam!" He laughed a little at himself, and felt Bones huff a breath in and out, still listening. "Everyone always says that 'you just know', but no one ever said that it could just creep up on you, the knowing. That you wouldn't even know it had happened until you were right in the middle of it, Bones."

He pressed his forehead against the back of Bones' head, let his breath fall on the sweep of his neck. "I didn't know it could be like this, Bones," he said.

"Jim," Bones said, but Jim kept talking, hearing the protest in his voice.

"By the time I figured it out, you'd smuggled me onto the Enterprise," he said, hesitating.

"Jim?" Bones asked, and he turned his head so that Jim's nose brushed against his cheek.

"You won't like this part, Bones," Jim warned.

Bones turned onto his back, and Jim moved so that his elbow was on the pillow, his head propped up on his hand. "Try me," he said softly, looking at Jim.

Jim hesitated again, seeing the evidence that Bones had been crying. "In the middle there," he began, "of everything, I realized that I was …" he swallowed hard, and slid the hand that had been resting on Bones' side a little forward, grasping his blue tunic in his fingers. "I was hurt, Bones. I was really hurt that you didn't believe in me."

Bones' eyes widened, and Jim hurried on.

"I mean, I got over it," he said, in a louder voice. "I did. But, I couldn't figure out why it bothered me so much." He shrugged, went for a nonchalance that he didn't feel. "A lot of people haven't believed in me," he said, emphasizing, "a lot. I mean, let's be truthful. For a long time there I thought my full name was James Tiberius Such-A- Disappointment Kirk."

"Jim," Bones said, sounding pained.

"But it didn't matter to me," he insisted, even as Bones leveled his gaze on him, seeing right through him. "Much." He dropped his voice speaking softer. "Not the way it did when you looked at me like that."

"Jim," Bones protested again, but Jim moved the hand gripping his shirt to Bones' lips, dropping two fingers over them to silence him, then pressing a kiss to them in apology.

"I know, Bones," he said. "Honest to whatever, I do. But then we were here, and we've been so busy, and …" he ran his fingers over Bones' lips.

"OK, I am lying now," he admitted, off Bones' dubious expression.

He flopped onto his back. "I was chickenshit, OK, Bones?"

He lifted his head to see that Bones had raised up so that he could see his face, resting back on his elbows, his new breasts thrust forward, eyebrow raised to the high heavens.

"You see," Jim said, in his 'I'm totally being reasonable, even though what I am saying is insane' tone, "there's no no-win scenario to lose if you just … don't … do … anything. Stop smiling at me like that, Bones!" Wouldn't it just figure that the love of his life would be a totally irritating bastard?

"Jim," Bones said, shaking his head and laughing openly at him.

"Well, don't get all smiley there, Bones," Jim said gloomily. "Because I'm not done talking yet."

"Oh?" Bones said, turning onto his side and resting his head on the palm of his hand. "I'm all ears, Jimmy."

Jim blew out a breath, before he said softly. "I'm pretty sure this is all my fault, Bones."

When he hazarded a glance over at Bones, the eyebrow was still at its apex. "Now, Jim," Bones drawled out, "I know that despite your insecurities, you have an ego that made a millennia old God like Sargon stand up and take notice, but … I'm not seeing how this could possibly be your fault."

Jim sighed. "You know, I've always really liked it when you get all doctory," he glanced over at Bones, and said, "You know, when it's not me you're fixing."

"Go on," Bones said dryly.

"So, um, when you were delivering the baby?"

He looked over at Bones, who shrugged as if to say, 'yes?'

Jim turned on his side, facing him. "You really have no idea, do you, Bones?"

Bones shook his head. "About what?" he asked.

"You were like some kind of superhero," Jim murmured throatily. "I would have been freaked out – I was freaked out – but you were just so calm."

"Jim –" Bones voice was full of fond exasperation.

"She wasn't breathing, Bones," Jim said quietly. "That little baby, she wasn't breathing, and I think I stopped breathing, and I know the midwife did, but not you, you just … were calm and purposeful, and sure that it was going to be all right."

"She just had an obstruction," Bones said to Jim, "it happens a lot."

"I'm sure that midwife –"

"That bastard –" Bones interrupted.

"Yeah, him," Jim agreed. "Has seen a lot of babies born, but he was worried, too, Bones. And then when she started crying, I almost lost it."

"Perfectly natural," Bones said. "It's a very emotional thing, birth."

Jim laid his fingers over Bones' mouth again. "Listen," he said. "I never, ever thought that I'd have a baby. I figured, why pass anything of mine along?"

Bones looked pained at Jim's words, his fingers wrapping around his wrist.

"But when I saw you holding that baby, Bones, I thought to myself that the only way I could ever have a baby would be with you."

Bones blinked at him, and his eyes searched Jim looking for any hint of insincerity.

Jim dropped his fingers to Bones' chin, waiting for the explosion.

"That's it?" Bones asked. "You think that you thought about having a baby with me, and then Vaa'lash made me mutate?"

Now it was Jim who was blinking. "You know, when you say it like that, it sounds all stupid and shit."

Bones blinked pointedly. "Jim, I was up to my elbows in that water. Hell, I had cuts and scrapes that got a full dose of it. And yeah, Vaa'lash may have picked up what you were feeling, but whatever was started at that pool was finished off by the ceremonial toasts and that wasn’t about a momentary yearning on your part. Vaa'lash was trying to make the conditions of that damned prophecy come true, to guarantee his family's position in the palace court for generations." He hesitated, looking at Jim through his eyelashes.

"It’s not a momentary yearning,” Jim said, seriously. “Sometimes it feels like I can’t think about anything else, Bones.”

“And that,” Bones said, “is the result of something that was put in your drink!”

“No,” Jim said. “You know it isn’t.”

Bones stared at him, eyes wide and vulnerable looking. “Jim, a baby is a huge commitment, and I …"

"I know that, Bones," Jim said seriously. "I know. And I know I don't know the first thing about any of this, and I know that nothing that's happened makes any sense, but I want this, Bones, and no potion made me feel this way."

Bones was silent, studying him.

Jim took in a deep breath to steady himself. "And if you decide that you want to use some other guy's sperm –" he forced himself to say keep talking, although the idea was so agonizing to him that tears came to his eyes, "I'll understand, Bones. I won't like it, but I will, and I promise you, I'll still love that baby, just because it'll be yours."

Bones didn't seem to be breathing.

"I'm not going to lie and say that it won't hurt, Bones," Jim said, pushing through the pain. "It will. But I'll love the baby anyway, because … " Jim shrugged. "I won't be able to help it, I guess. I know that."

"Jim …" Bones began, his voice hushed and hesitant.

Jim leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bones' lips, then pressed his forehead to Bones', pulling him in tighter. "You just think about that for a while, Bones," he said, raising a hand to surreptitiously wipe at his traitorous eyes. "OK?" He kept his eyes closed resolutely.

It was quiet in the room for so long that when Bones finally spoke, Jim had actually begun to doze.

"That's it?" Bones asked. "You're just gonna come in here and lay all this on me, and now you're what? Just going to snuggle up and go to sleep?"

Jim's eyes snapped open. "I can be up for whatever you want, Bones," he said cheekily, with a little grin.

The pillow in his face was not completely unexpected. When he removed it, he saw that Bones was laying flat on his back, looking exasperated in the low light of his quarters.

"Seriously, Bones," Jim said. "I know you're not ready. But …" he kissed him again. "You're not alone, Bones."

"I just can't believe that you want me like this," Bones admitted, waving a hand over his altered anatomy. "I mean, let's face it: I'm no Miss Universe, and I've seen the women you've dated, Jim. Lots of 'em."

"Bones," Jim said severely. "I love you."

Bones stared at him, clearly not convinced.

"Besides," Jim said, curling up against Bones' side. "I'm pretty sure I'd still want you if Vaa'lash had turned you into a horta."

Bones turned and began to grapple with Jim as he laughed, fending off Bones' assault far more easily than he ever had when Bones was a man. "You bastard!"

"Bones," Jim said, holding Bones atop him where he'd come to rest – well, actually, he was still struggling. He kissed Bones' furrowed brow, and ran a thumb along his defined cheekbones, around the curve of his heart-shaped jaw. "Don't you know, Bones? You're always beautiful to me."

That lost and vulnerable look was back in Bones' eyes and it made him feel tender and protective, although he was more than half hard under Bones, something he had to feel, pressing against the softer line of his altered abdomen. He kissed Bones softly again and again, until the hands clenching his shirt pulled him closer, pulled him in. They kissed until Jim was breathless, and he disengaged, not wanting to, but knowing he should. "Just give me a chance, Bones," he whispered. "I swear I'll prove it to you."

"For how long?" Bones whispered back.

Jim shook his head, bemused but serious. "For as long as you'll have me, Bones."

Bones stared back at him for a long time, before he said in a low, determined voice. "If I do this with you, Jim Kirk, I promise you that if you ever leave me, I will hunt you down and cut your balls off."

Jim smiled, the soaring happiness he felt making him feel even more all-powerful than he had when Sargon had inhabited his consciousness. He rolled, pressing Bones back into the bed. "Don't go all sweet on me, Bones," he said, "I'll start questioning if you really mean it." And then he swallowed Bones' indignant protest with his kiss.

+

Unexpected 4

Comments

[sevedra.livejournal.com]

aw! i had tears in my eyes! this is wonderful!

[ceres-libera.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much.

[maireadinish.livejournal.com]

This story is so sweet and lovely. And weird.

[ceres-libera.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, that's exactly what I was going for. So, thanks!

[herinfiniteeyes.livejournal.com]

I think this story is the first mpreg that I've actually been really moved by in such a way that it doesn't feel weird to me at all. AND JIM! Oh my heart. I sniffled. He's just so damn wunnerful. :)

[ceres-libera.livejournal.com]

Aw ... thank you very kindly. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[spockelle.livejournal.com]

<3! Yesssss!