ceres_libera | Switch 45/50

Title: "Switch" (45/50)
Author:

ceres_libera
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The life and times of Leonard H. McCoy MD/PhD … If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense.
Canon: Based in the ST:XI universe, but strongly influenced by all canon ST-verses.
Characters: McCoy/Kirk, with eventual appearances by all other ST:XI characters.
Notes: OK, here we go. Night 4, from way back in Chapter 1. It's just before Christmas Eve where I am, so I've fulfilled my promise to

sangeuk to post this long-promised chapter before Christmas. That's right. Slow burn is no longer slow. And Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate it.

+

When it first started happening, he had almost convinced himself that he was hallucinating from too much booze or too little sleep, or both.

As time went on and it still kept happening, he decided that it was a sign of an incipient nervous breakdown, the rational veneer that he'd been clinging to by a freakin' thread since his father died and his life went to total shit sliding right the fuck off under the pressure of wanting something that he was never going to get. It was sublimated desire, refracted through an oddly chaste dream, like a memory of all the good parts of monogamy, without the really good parts, goddamnit.

But now that it's been four nights without Jim Kirk sneaking into his bed to sleep, he's really afraid that he is going to crack right the fuck up.

Because how the hell did it get to the point where he can't fuckin' sleep without Kirk, when all Kirk has ever fuckin' done is sleep with him?

If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense. Because, really. He will not get any kind of sleep tonight again, if Kirk doesn't show up. And bitter experience -- does he have any other kind? -- has proven that a Leonard McCoy who hasn't slept more than an hour or two out of closing in on 96 hours is a fuckin' psychotic nightmare.

And he has the residency write-ups to back him the fuck up on that.

+

Leo punched his pillow in frustration and allowed as how he wasn't being truly fair about the situation. Rationally, he knew that they'd made enormous strides in re-establishing intimacy and trust in the past few weeks, especially after their estrangement of the weeks prior. But he'd hoped that what had happened the past week aboard the Enterprise had finally set them back on the track that they should be traveling, the one that led to their friendship evolving from flirtation into consummation.

He knew that he was being impatient, knew that Jim had probably spent the night before with his mother, maybe catching up, maybe healing some of the breach that existed between the two of them. If Jim had slept at all the night before, that is, because when Leo had seen him earlier in the day, the bruises around his eye had been at war with the ones underneath them for which could be more prominent. Jim's face had been grim and tight underneath the veneer of the public smile that he'd worn for the non-Enterprise personnel present in the waiting room. Leo had been reviewing his notes before going in for the next round of debriefings, this time with the Medical Admiralty, when he'd felt the welcome weight of Jim's warm hand slide across his shoulders, and looked up into infinitely weary blue eyes. He'd heard the echo of Winona's words from the day before, about how Jim had had the eyes of an old man when he came back from Tarsus little more than ten years ago. He'd made much the same observation of Jim himself over the past couple of years, noting the contrast between his typically sunny personality and the truth that was sometimes reflected in his expressive eyes, but still … he absolutely fucking hated to see it there.

It wasn't the time or place for it, but what'd he wanted to do when he recognized the contrast between his smile and the truth Jim's eyes was to stand up and take him in his arms and kiss him until that look was washed away by pleasure and love.

Damn it.

When the hell was it going to be their time?

+

His own debriefings had been mercifully brief in regard to the question of how, exactly, Jim had ended up on the Enterprise, and although he knew that he should be grateful that he hadn't been forced to out and out lie, the prevarications he'd made and the intimations of the politics that underlay every interaction that he'd had with Starfleet's Central Command had left him feeling jittery and exposed. He wasn't by nature a dishonest person, although he could keep secrets, his own and those of his patients, when it was necessary. But the fact that what had begun as an illegal maneuver had ended up being the salvation of the world that they knew, not to mention the remainder of the United Federation of Planets, meant that there were those on every panel who ensured that the answers surrounding his ultimate motivations had remained obscured. No one, it seemed, wanted to look too closely at the causality loop that had begun with his impulsive move, once they were assured that he himself had no idea of the events that were about to unfold.

By contrast, the medical debriefing had been long and grueling, with his actions in clearing the destroyed Sickbay, assuming command and rendering care scrutinized to the utmost degree. There, at least, he was more assured that he'd done what he could, and done it well, but there were those among the Admiralty who recalled his misadventure with the creation of the antiviral therapy for CHF III with displeasure. There, at least, was the censure and the scrutiny that he expected for bringing Jim aboard, and with it, some small measure of satisfaction for being called to account for his actions, good or ill.

The puzzling incidents surrounding Dr. Dehner's death were met with no small amount of disbelief, especially by those who'd supported her meteoric rise through Starfleet, and the lack of findings in support of the baffling electronic discharge that had occurred just before her death had been the source of long and vociferous argument. The testimony that Dr. Dehner had left behind on her tricorder had been ruled irrelevant, from a medical standpoint, dismissed as the delusional deathbed ramblings of a gravely injured woman. More study of what had occurred was finally agreed upon, before a painstaking analysis of his surgical interventions on Captain Pike's behalf was undertaken. Straightforward as that surgery had been, and with the recording of it in support of his memory, that portion of the testimony alone had taken hours. Leo had stumbled out of the hearing room long after it seemed the rest of the crew had been dismissed. The waiting room was empty, and only one door off the main room remained closed. He'd been left to surmise that Jim was behind it, still undergoing his own grueling questioning.

He'd had a quiet dinner with Gram, and seen her off to the shuttle for Atlanta with a hug and a kiss for himself and one for Jim, when he saw him. He'd commed him on his way back to his dorm and made it back to his room just shy of 2200 hours. He'd taken a shower, then listened to and deleted most of the comms that had piled up in his inbox while he sipped a few fingers of bourbon. One of the first comms had had been from Commander Ellsbridge, reminding him that he and the rest of the crew of the Enterprise were not to speak to the press without a designated representative of Starfleet's PR staff present, and for once, he was grateful for their strict control. He certainly had no desire to speak to anyone from the press.

In truth, he had no desire to speak to anyone, not even Patty, who'd also left a message. He'd texted one back to her rather than calling, letting her know that he was exhausted but fine, and just plain talked out for the night.

Then he'd sat back and stared at the door for a while, willing Jim to appear.

+

He'd finally given up the ghost after midnight, unwilling to stay upright any more, and beginning to doubt that Jim would show up anyway. They'd still been putting the tattered remnants of their friendship back together in the weeks before they'd gone out on the Enterprise, and if he'd been counting on the old fourth night rule being reinstated because of what happened during the time that they'd spent on the Enterprise, maybe he'd been the one deluding himself. Maybe he'd just allowed himself to be convinced by the trauma that they'd shared, by everything that had happened. But now that they were back on the ground, back to the reality of debriefings and the haunting sight of the high-rise dorm buildings at night with far too few lights on in them ... maybe things were different.

He found himself studying the ring on his finger when he realized that he was worrying it again, a nervous habit that he'd acquired in the days since Jim had given it to him. He wondered if he was investing too much meaning in the token, despite the significance that Winona and Gram seemed to place on it. He ordered the lights down to 5% and rolled over, shoving his hands up under the pillows of his too-big bed, the one that Jim had procured for him, and tried to will himself unconscious.

Around him, he could hear the vast emptiness of the dorm, and tried to convince himself that he wasn't the only one left in the building, willing himself not to think of all the empty rooms that surrounded him. He fell into an uneasy sleep, wondering who, exactly, was the ghost in this scenario.

+

The snick of the door opening was startlingly loud in the quiet room, and it jarred him abruptly from a thin, grey sleep full of phantoms and shifting, jumbled landscapes that he was hopelessly lost amidst.

There was only one person that would come into his room at this late hour, and Leo blinked awake, eyes focusing on the wall next to his bed. He felt irrationally angry at having been forced to wait as long as he had, the past days bleeding into the tension that he'd been feeling for months, and he rolled over, poised and ready for a fight, almost spoiling for it. But the grief and exhaustion visible on Jim's face was like a gut punch and stopped him cold.

Jim was standing inside his door, hair mussed from pulling the dark watch cap he clutched in his hand off his head. He looked uncharacteristically uncertain, like he was still deciding if he should stay or go when he looked back at Leo. One hand was braced against the wall, and he was leaning like he was maybe going to take his boots off, with one foot behind the other, but just hadn't. He was clearly fucking exhausted, and when Leo rolled to the edge of the bed and sat up on the side, he looked almost surprised to see him.

He'd opened his mouth to speak, but Leo cut him off, standing up, feet curling away from the cold floors as he walked over to him. "Where you been, Jimmy?" he asked quietly.

Jim's blue eyes blinked slowly, the way they sometimes did when he was well and truly drunk, but Leo didn't smell any alcohol coming off of him.

"Walking," Jim answered, slowly, licking his lips. His voice was a harsh rasp. He toed off the boot and shifted his stance to take off the other one.

Leo nodded and took the hat from Jim's hand, tucking it in his pocket, before his hands turned to the task of unbuttoning Jim's pea coat. He was reverting to being Jim's caretaker, but he couldn't help himself. It was his nature, and besides, if that was what Jim needed right now, he couldn't in good conscience push him farther. He watched Jim's eyes fall to where his hands were working the fabric open, seeming entranced by the sight, and there was a kind of regard, a heat in Jim's gaze on his hands that was reflected in the pink flush on his cheeks. Somehow, Leo didn't think that it was just the result of the raw San Francisco February night anymore, and he felt a wave of calm wash over him as he made his own decision.

He pushed the pea coat back off Jim's shoulders, stepping into him when he did so, and felt the way Jim's body moved toward him and then back, as if he had to stop himself.

Leo couldn't help the smile that curved the edges of his mouth as he reached behind Jim to hang his jacket up on the hook. "You want me to take your other boot off, too?" he asked Jim in a low voice, his face bare inches from Jim's.

Jim's chest heaved at Leo's words, and he blinked and reflexively licked his lips before he uttered a broken, "Bones, I …" which Leo caught in his mouth with a deep, searing kiss.

Leo's hands had come up to cup Jim's head to his so he didn't have much room to move back when Leo broke the kiss. "What?" he whispered, and kissed him again without waiting for an answer, slipping his tongue into Jim's mouth and making a lazy circuit.

Jim's hands had come up and covered his as he shuddered, wrapping his fingers around Leo's hands like he wanted to peel them away, but he held on and kissed him back.

Leo broke the kiss, and pulled away, staring at Jim in the low light of his room, waiting.

Jim tipped forward into his embrace, pressing his forehead against Leo's. "I don't know how to do this," he said, his words an echo of the last time they'd been in this room, but instead of getting angry, Leo felt himself smiling, feeling the way Jim was still holding onto his hands, not as willing to let go this time.

Leo kissed him again, catching his teeth against Jim's lips at the rising joy he felt, but pulled back at Jim's muffled protest. "What?" he asked, running his right hand through Jim's hair. "This?" Jim and he were so well matched in height that Jim's lips were right there against his when he kissed his way along his sharp jawline to his mouth, reveling in the way Jim responded to him despite his confusion.

"Bones," Jim said again, and his voice was slightly petulant. "This, you and me, I'm no good at this kind of thing."

Leo held Jim's head in his hands, running his thumbs over Jim's cheekbones, still smiling. "Like I am, Jim?" he asked. "Nobody knows what the fuck they're doing when it comes to this." He tilted Jim's head and kissed his eyelids, and then gently down the chain of bruises around his left eye, tasting Jim's shiver and his want at his actions. He stepped into Jim, placing one foot between his legs and pressed down on the heel of his remaining boot. "Take this off," he ordered.

Jim's eyes were dazed, but still dazzling up this close, although he hesitated before he stepped back, crossing a foot over behind him to toe off the boot. "Bones," he said, his voice serious, and he held up his hands to block Leo’s kiss when he tilted his head to stop Jim’s mouth with his own. "I don't want to fuck this up," he said. The boot fell on the floor with a clunk, punctuating his statement.

“Then don’t,” Leo said succinctly. He pulled Jim into him by his reds, crumpled after his long day, and wound an arm around his waist, moving him away from the door and toward the bed.

“Bones,” Jim began, and this time his voice had an edge of temper. “I’m serious. If I fuck this up …” Jim made a helpless gesture, but left the rest of the sentence unvoiced.

“Then don’t,” Leo repeated. He put his hand under Jim’s jaw as he held him with the other arm, keeping him close, keeping him next to the bed. “One of the ways we can fuck this up is to keep lying to each other, Jim,” he said clearly. “About what it is that we really want.” He trailed a finger down Jim’s neck, and then put his fingers on the pull tab of the zipper that held his uniform tunic together.

Jim had gone very still under his hands, watching Leo closely from under heavy-lidded eyes. “Why’d you bring me on the Enterprise, Bones?” he asked quietly as Leo began to pull down the zipper.

Leo raised his eyes up from where he’d started to part the fabric and looked Jim in the eye, not masking anything that he felt for him. He watched as Jim’s eyes widened and the color rose in his face, could feel the rising tide of his respiration below his hands when he pulled his jacket open. He leaned in until Jim’s eyes were just a mosaic of blue, and whispered, “You know why I brought you on the Enterprise, Jim,” before he kissed him, letting all of the love and longing he felt bleed into his kiss.

And yeah, maybe he was being kind of a dick for not saying the words when he felt them nonetheless, but he wasn’t going to be forced into saying them first.

Besides, he was goddamned sick and tired of talking.

Jim made a low, keening noise and pulled Leo flush against him, his hands wrapped low around Leo’s hips as he pressed his cock against Leo’s and ground against him. “Bones …” he said when they broke apart, but this time, his voice was an intent rasp as he shrugged impatiently out of his jacket and pushed warm, hasty hands up underneath the threadbare t-shirt that Leo had worn to bed before he kissed and bit the skin below Leo’s left ear where his jaw met his neck.

Leo wrapped his arms around Jim’s shoulders and held on, the smile that had been breaking free for the past few minutes reappearing as he tilted his head back, loving the feel of Jim’s beautiful hands finally, finally on his skin. He shuddered as Jim ran a hand down his back and under his briefs onto his buttock, startling when he bucked against his pants, still cold and damp from his wanderings across campus in the chilly dark. He opened his eyes to find Jim watching him avidly, hungrily, and smiled again, loving Jim’s look of surprise, even as he pushed away from him. “Now, hold up there, Jim,” he drawled. “You’re not going to jump the line here just because you decided to get with the program.”

Jim laughed. “Oh, I’m not?” he said challengingly, running his hands across the small of Leo’s back and down again, grasping firmly at his buttocks.

Leo slid a hand in between them and unhooked the top of Jim’s pants, fingering the pull tab while he looked Jim in the eye, challenging him, teasing him. “I’m the one who had to do the convincing here, Jim,” he said. He slid the zipper down and turned his hand to cup Jim, hot and heavy in his palm, and squeezed lightly, loving the groan that tore from Jim and the way his eyes were darkening. “You’ll just have to wait your turn,” he said, then leaned in to kiss Jim breathless.

When they broke apart, Leo gave Jim one last squeeze before he slid his hands out and around his back, over the smooth skin and the sweat collecting in the small of his back. He pulled Jim’s undershirt up and over his head, and stroked his hands over Jim’s shoulders, cataloguing the shiver that received with a pleased nod.

“What?” Jim asked, watching Leo’s face intently.

Leo smiled and kissed across the line of Jim’s shoulder moving from the neck outward, feeling Jim positively shudder against him. “I have this theory,” Leo growled, kissing his way back across Jim’s shoulder.

“Bones,” Jim said breathlessly, “now is not the time for science.”

“Says you,” Leo said, running his hands outward over Jim’s bare shoulders as he kissed a line down his neck, and then back over to his shoulder. He figured that Jim had told him a lot about where his erogenous zones were by how he touched Leo, and truthfully, the man was always draping himself over Leo’s shoulders.

He kissed the line of Jim's shoulder as he slid his hands down Jim’s long torso until he hit his waist band, then he unzipped his pants all the way and skimmed his hands outward across Jim’s pelvis to his hips, pushing his pants down and away. Bingo. He couldn’t help the smirk that broke out on his face as Jim shuddered when Leo caressed his hip bones, particularly his right one.

“Proud of yourself?” Jim stammered out, chest heaving and his face flushed. He grappled with Leo to get ahold of his t-shirt and pull it up and over his head.

When Leo could see again, he immediately dropped his hands back to Jim’s hips and held on, brushing his thumbs over the flat narrow area of Jim’s pelvis while Jim wriggled in his grasp. “You betcha, Jimmy,” he drawled out, planting a kiss on the indentation on his shoulder where the deltoid attached above his clavicle before kissed and bit his way across to where Jim’s acromion flared up and over from his back.

“Bones …” Jim hissed out, shifting restlessly from foot to foot. His arms circled Leo’s head as he stood up on his toes to gain leverage, his tongue plunging into Leo’s mouth again and again.

They were both panting like they’d run a marathon by the time they broke apart, only far enough to catch their breath, and only for a few seconds before one or the other of them would dart back in to steal a kiss. Jim’s hands were wrapped around the back of his skull as he pressed their foreheads together, keeping Leo close while he worked his feet out of the pants still pooled around his ankles.

“Hold onto that thought,” Leo muttered, working his fingers under the waistband of Jim’s briefs and wrapping his hand around Jim’s cock so that it wouldn’t get bent backwards as he pushed them down Jim’s legs.

“Bones …” he groaned more than once as Leo stroked the heat and hardness of him, his fingers tracing the vein on the underside and the groove around the head, nipping at Jim’s mouth as he did so.

Jim’s hand slid down his spine urgently, pushing at the waistband of Leo’s shorts, and Leo used his free hand to push them away from his own erection, as his briefs tangled with Jim’s on the floor and were kicked aside before they pressed into each other, skin on skin everywhere from head to toe.

“C’mon now, sugar,” he urged, breaking away from Jim’s kiss, and pushing him down toward the bed.

“Bones,” Jim laughed at him, his neck and cheeks flushed with passion and just maybe from the blush that he'd never admit to, the one that Leo's endearment had caused. “So not true.”

Leo swept his tongue into Jim’s mouth as he stroked his thumb across the wet head of Jim's cock, bending over him as he urged him to move to the center of the bed. He smiled at Jim's gasp, making small circles in the wetness around the sensitive opening. "Is that right now, sugar?" he drawled. He kissed Jim again, and then took his hand off Jim's cock, licking his thumb.

Jim bit his lip and groaned, "Fuck," he said in a guttural tone as he watched Leo.

"I dunno, Jim. Surprisingly sweet might be my final opinion, but you know me …" he straddled Jim in a loose crouch as he lay on the bed, caging Jim's head in between his arms as he groaned. "I'll need to rigorously sample." He swept his tongue into Jim's mouth and let Jim taste for himself before he began to kiss his way down that long neck and torso, the one he'd seen far too much of as a doctor, but never been given leave to explore as a lover. Jim twisted restlessly under him, trying to urge Leo's head downward, but he wasn't going to be hurried, not after waiting as long as he had. He kissed and bit and nuzzled his way over Jim's pectoral muscles, sparing a minute or two to make sure that his small nipples were as pebbled and tight as they could possibly be.

"Bones," Jim said, and Leo reveled in how undone his voice sounded. "Bones …" Jim was shaking and sweating, his muscles as hard in arousal as they'd be if he'd been working out at the gym. Leo could easily trace the line down the center of his rectus abdominis and he did, first with his tongue and then with nipping kisses that made Jim lift his hips from the bed and grind his hardness against Leo's lower chest, leaving sticky trails against Leo's skin. He wasn't begging, exactly, but his repeated pleas to Leo and his increasing inability to stay still were incredibly arousing -- especially when coupled with Jim's hands reaching for his shoulder, his head, any point of contact he could make with Leo.

Leo hummed and licked his way out over Jim's ribs, anointing them, tasting them, so recently healed. There was a scar on the opposite side of Jim's body, hidden along his rib cage, a nasty divot from the lash of a whip that he needed to taste before this night was over, to reclaim it, and cleanse it, reinscribe it with love and not the hate that had made it, but he'd wait a while for that yet. From the way Jim was moving underneath him, he knew that he was as turned on as he was freaked out by Leo's worship of his torso. He had no doubt that no one had ever loved Jim the way he did, that Jim, for as many people as he'd fucked, hadn't allowed any of them to touch him with love. Hell, he'd out and out discouraged any such possibility until very recently, almost past the point where things could have fallen apart. But none of that mattered now, because Leo finally had Jim in his bed the way he'd wanted him for years, and he was going to love him until he couldn't see straight, wanted to make it so good for Jim that he'd never be able to stand the touch of anyone's hands on him but Leo's -- those hands that Jim watched from under his lashes, the ones he'd put his father's ring on. Jim bucked up underneath him hard when Leo began to trace the ridge that outlined his transverse abdominis, following the sensitive crease of it down, down to where his cock twitched against his abdomen. Leo pushed Jim's hips down toward the bed as he licked down the crease slowly, making small circles with his thumbs on the smooth skin in front of Jim's hipbones.

Jim's voice had been a steady litany of "Fuck, Bones, fuck!" as Leo got closer to his cock and moved over and past it, licking up the crease on the other side as Jim's hand twisted in his hair.

He smiled up at Jim wickedly, pleased that he'd gotten Jim so riled up that he was just about desperate, only to be surprised at the intent expression on Jim's face as he watched him. And he realized that the hand tugging at his hair had also been holding it back from his face so that Jim could watch him.

"Bones …" Jim breathed out, and there was something like awe in his voice, something vulnerable, despite how turned on he was, in the way he looked at Leo.

"Right here, Jimmy," Leo said quietly, and he never took his eyes off Jim's, the bright blue of them only visible around the edges of his iris. He licked and kissed his way back to Jim's cock, staring at Jim as he hovered over him, mouth open, using one hand to pull it back from where it had risen to lay on Jim's abdomen.

"So fucking beautiful …" he whispered, then he bent forward, using his hand to steady Jim's cock at the base as he swirled his tongue over the head.

Jim groaned, eyes falling closed and his head thrown back on the pillows, twisting, the hand not clutching at Leo's hair digging into the bed, and grabbing as much sheet as he could. He bucked hard, and Leo used his weight to press Jim's hips back down to keep from being choke before he sucked as hard as he could and then pulled off and licked his lips, while Jim watched him, chest heaving.

Leo bent his head and licked a stripe up the underside of Jim's cock, outlining the prominent vein. He drew back and blew on the wetness, noting that Jim was fair enough that the raphe was easy to isolate both on his dick and on the sac below, already drawn up tight to his body. He drew a gentle finger around his balls, outlining them, before following the line up the center of his sac with his tongue while Jim bucked and twisted above him, swearing as Leo licked his way back up to the head, making a detour at the frenulum which he hummed and strummed like he would a woman's clitoris, making sure to suck on it hard before he engulfed the head of Jim's dick, still humming.

"Bonesbonesbonesbones," Jim was chanting above him, his voice rising in warning.

Leo would have smiled, but his mouth was too full and he was too focused on bringing Jim off. He stroked his hand back down over the raphe of Jim's sac to the perineum, stroking the smooth sensitive skin there and pressing in to stimulate Jim's prostate. When he grazed it, Jim yelled and bucked straight up off the bed, despite the arm that Leo had placed across his abdomen to hold him in place, then arced and inverted as he began to spurt, hot and fast, across Leo's upper palate. He swallowed a bit, but made an effort to relax and catch as much as he could in his mouth as he stroked Jim's perineum through the spasms. When Jim dropped back to the bed breathing hard, Leo raised his head to look at him, waiting until one of Jim's bright eyes peered out from under the arm that he'd thrown up over his head as he came.

When he was sure that Jim was focused on him, he swallowed deliberately, feeling the way Jim groaned his name echo through his body. He bent his head and nuzzled the skin in front of Jim's hip, dropping damp, sticky kisses as he moved upward, his hands circling under Jim's body to palm the weight of his buttocks in his hands, thumbs stroking the hollows on either side of them as Jim shivered.

"Bones …" Jim breathed out, chest still heaving, as Leo mouthed his way up to Jim's side until he reached the scar that he'd first seen dimly years ago. Jim sucked in a breath, his arm reflexively coming down to block Leo's way, but Leo caught Jim's elbow in his hand, bending his head to kiss the indentation, dipping his tongue in it.

Jim had stopped breathing underneath him, barely moving as he watched Leo over the curve of his ribcage, something fraught and vulnerable there that Leo filed away as he moved up, mouthing his way onto Jim's arm. He outlined the bulge of his biceps as Jim dropped his hand onto the back of Leo's neck on an exhale of pleasure, beginning to shift restlessly underneath him.

"Bones," he said, pulling at Leo's head to get him to move up to his mouth, his other hand curving around Leo's back.

Leo, hard and throbbing against Jim's leg, continued his leisurely inventory of Jim's arms and his upper chest, leaving a nipping kiss on his infraspinatus before he did the same to his deltoid, and then kissing his way across the plane of Jim's shoulder.

"Bones," Jim said, turning on his side and kissing Leo desperately for long minutes. "Jesus, Bones. Let me catch my breath and … " Jim's clever hands were mapping Leo's abdomen, skimming over muscles before he closed his hand over Leo's cock, squeezing before he twisted.

Leo bit Jim's lower lip lightly and groaned, arching into Jim's grip. "Wait …" he breathed to Jim. "Wait …"

"Wait?" Jim's tone was incredulous. "Bones, you just blew me and …"

Leo kissed him, twining his tongue around Jim's, cupping his head in his hands so that he stopped talking. "I wanna fuck you," he said to Jim in a low, desperate voice, couldn't resist bucking into Jim's hand as he gasped and squeezed Leo almost too tightly. "Can I fuck you?"

"Jesus, Bones," Jim breathed out, before kissing him and shifting closer in the bed. "Yes, you can fuck me."

Whatever else he might have said was lost when Leo kissed him again, hard, reaching behind himself blindly to find the night table drawer for the dermal barrier gel that he used as lube. When he brought the tube back into the bed, Jim reached for it but Leo stopped him. "Let me do it," he bit out, kissing Jim hard again.

"Jesus, you're bossy in bed," Jim groused, but he was smiling.

Leo smiled back, drawing a finger down Jim's laughlines, seeing how gorgeous he was still going to be fifty years from now, if Leo had any goddamned say in the matter. "It's all you, kid," Leo said, kissing that smiling mouth. "You touch me too much and I'll go off in your hand like a fifteen year old."

"And that's bad, how?" Jim teased, between kisses. "Anytime you get to come is a good time in my book."

Leo laughed at him. "Yeah, yeah, but …" he dropped his voice to the drawl that he'd noticed made Jim shiver. "I want to be inside you when I come, sugar."

That got him a full body shudder that he could feel in his toes, not to mention his balls, and he had to grip himself hard at the base to keep from coming all over Jim before he got what he really wanted.

"Just let me," Jim started trying to move away from him to turn over on his stomach and Leo stopped him, pushing him onto his back.

"No," he said. "I wanna see you, Jim." Leo kissed Jim and flipped open the tube, squeezing out some of the gel onto his fingers as Jim watched him from under his long lashes, the blue flashing out at him above the pink on his cheeks. "I want you to see me." He pushed Jim's left leg up and out, stroking over Jim's perineum again with sure fingers until he felt the circle of tissue that he was looking for. He leaned forward and kissed Jim, whispering, "Wanna kiss you while I'm fucking you."

Jim groaned as Leo slid one finger in, pressing against the sphincter to open it up. He dropped a hand onto the back of Leo's head and pulled him back down into a heated kiss as Leo worked on opening him up, going deeper and sliding more fingers inside Jim to ready the way, until Jim was pulling him, wrestling him over to cover him, sliding his other leg up and out of the way.

Leo sat back on his heels and stroked the dermal barrier over himself, watching Jim watch him, how his blue eyes flicked from Leo's hand on his cock to Leo's face.

"Jesus, Bones," he said again, chest heaving.

Leo chuckled darkly as he swirled the gel around the head of his cock, his control slipping badly as he looked down at Jim. He slid his arms up under Jim's legs and shifted him down on the bed as he slanted downward, blindly seeking entrance.

"Wait, wait," Jim said, moving his legs higher on Leo, giving him the space to move a hand down and guide himself into Jim.

Leo groaned deep in his chest as he felt the enveloping clench of Jim's body, and he tipped forward, balancing on his hands, stretching into it, but trying desperately not to move deeper until Jim said he was ready.

"Go, Bones," Jim panted at him. "C'mon, baby, go."

Leo's pelvis snapped forward in response to Jim's words, his eyes clamping shut as he gritted his teeth against the heat, the need to come almost overcoming him. "Jim," he said brokenly.

He heard the answering sound of Jim's laugh, wild and a little triumphant, and felt him shift against Leo, seating him further inside as Jim's hands slid down his arms. "Kind of hard to watch me with your eyes closed, Bones," he teased, and the sound of his voice was like a goad, and Leo slipped back and snapped forward, opening his eyes in time to see Jim toss his head back and moan.

"God," Leo breathed out.

"What?" Jim grunted at him as Leo slid in and out again, the end of his word catching as Leo caught his prostate on the way by and his eyes closed.

"I fucking love this," Leo hissed out, beginning to drive in and out, feeling the sweat pool on his lower back. "Love this, Jim."

Jim's eyes had popped open at his words and he stared at Leo intently, managing to wrap his slender legs around Leo's back and pull him in closer. "Look at you," he breathed out at Leo. "C'mon, Bones," he struggled to pull him closer, seemed to be trying to get up as Leo drove in and out, so he bent forward as he surged in, getting close enough for Jim to lean up and kiss him. "Bones," Jim moaned as Leo moved faster and faster. He wrapped a hand around Leo's back and stroked just above his tailbone, tapping against it, and gathering the sweat there.

Leo groaned, feeling the end coming soon, his body beginning to drive toward orgasm as he began to shudder, wanting it but never wanting this to end. "Jim," he warned, feeling the press of Jim's cock, hard again, pressing into his belly.

He fumbled, dizzy and spinning out of control, intending to reach for Jim, because Leonard McCoy didn't leave his partners hanging, but Jim arched up and kissed him, wrapping one arm around Leo's shoulders as the hand on his lower back moved away. "I got this, Bones," Jim gasped at him. "I got you, c'mon now, baby. Come for me, Bones."

He could feel the brush of Jim's hand against his abdomen as he stroked himself in time with Leo's frantic thrusts and that, coupled with the sound of Jim's voice urging him on, tipped him over the edge. He threw his head back and bowed forward, burrowing into Jim as far as he could while he shook, calling Jim's name, before he dropped his head onto Jim's shoulder, holding onto him for dear life, dimly feeling the wetness of Jim coming against him.

They rocked together in the middle of the bed, Leo realizing that Jim was practically in his lap, astride him as his arms shook from the strain of holding them both up. He shifted, intending to move over so that he wouldn't collapse on Jim, but Jim held on, pulling them over sideways into an awkward heap where they lay, panting and still holding on, in a tangle of limbs.

"I should …" Leo said weakly, arm waving behind Jim. He meant that he should get up and get a cloth, and a glass of water, twist off the end of the dermal barrier where his come had collected before it started leaking everywhere, but Jim kissed him instead, long and sweet.

"Bones," he said, and Leo finally opened his eyes.

"My leg is asleep," Jim said with a smile. "Worth it and all, but totally asleep."

Leo huffed out a laugh and raised up enough so that Jim could pull his leg out from under the both of them. He winced as Jim rubbed his thigh to get the blood back into it. "You OK?" he asked Jim.

Jim raised an eyebrow and yawned. "C'mere," he said, and Leo lay back down, next to him this time. Jim kissed him and yawned again, wrapping an arm over him and pulling him in tight. "Tired," he said, closing his eyes, and moving in even closer.

Leo lay there and watched him for a moment, not quite believing what had happened, even though his blood was still singing.

Jim peeled an eye open and looked at Leo, his expression inscrutable as he studied Leo's face. The hand that he'd been stroking up and down Leo's spine rose to cup the back of Leo's head as he pressed another kiss to Leo's lips. "I'm happy, Bones," he said, tucking his face against Leo's neck so Leo couldn't see him anymore and kissing him there. "I'm happy," he murmured again, and there was an edge of wonder there that made Leo smile and hold him close, telling himself that he'd just hold on to Jim for a little while before he got up to get that cloth.

Leo closed his eyes, still smiling as he fell asleep, holding everything that he'd ever wanted in his arms.

Finally.

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